story 4/14/11

After another moment of hesitation, AJ rapidly tore at her muddy clothes and grabbed the frivolous dress trying to make the process as quick as possible.  Wrestling with the skirt’s ruffles, she wretched the dress over her head and down her skinny frame, The dress somewhat smoothed, AJ snatched the tights off the bed thus began the next struggle. She began wildly hopping around on her right foot trying to get her left leg in the tight, wobbled, and almost fell on her face. Squinting with determination, she steadied herself against her dresser and with calculating tugs and the odd yank here and there managed to get the tights on.  When the tights were in place, all that was left were the dreaded toe-pinching white shoes. Looking at them on the bed looking so innocent but knowing how they truly were, AJ made a quick decision. She knew she would be wearing them tomorrow to Sunday School, so there was no way she would wear them now. No matter how mad her momma would get there was no way AJ would wear the toe-pinchers twice in one weekend. Smiling now, she went to her closet and pulled out a hand-me-down pair of Jamie’s hiking boots.  They were dustier and more weathered looking than the sneakers she had had on earlier. AJ laced the boots’ frayed laces, stood up, and looking in the mirror at herself thought her outfit was almost a better joke than Jamie’s hair.  

In a swift motion, AJ turned away from the mirror and left her room. She was halfway down the steps when she heard her momma voice, a barely veiled screech, scolding Jaime.  AJ took the rest of the steps in a run, almost tripping in her haste to get to Jamie.  She jumped from off the last step and ran to the kitchen, barreling through the door.  Expecting to find Jamie facing the wooden spoon and looking shame-faced, she was surprised to see him grinning as their momma lectured him. 

Turning at the interruption, Nora Teller took in the sight of AJ. She gave her daughter a thorough look-over from the top of her still mussed head to the toes of the scuffed hiking boots.  Nora shook her head looking at her children, loving them for being the exasperating rebels they were.

 

Poetry Week!

The White Elephant

The old gate stands alone

Its dignity encroached on by wayward shrubbery

Cast into an all encompassing shadow

By tree branches intertwining densely above

It is still prestigious

Even in its decrepit state

The gate is a white elephant

The last symbol of the elegance and chivalry of past generations

It is Miss Emily

And above all else

It is the final remnants of Tara

Its decaying wood a statement on society

What it was

And what it never will be again

Its sophistication alluding to its former splendor

Now only the raw bones remain

Showing the devastation of modern society

The old gate stands alone

A glimpse into the grandeur history

Influential

Unattainable

Lost  

The Treadmill

You jumped on in front of her

Everyone knowing we weren't allowed

The machine beeped as you pushed it higher

When you tripped

I could do nothing

I was so close

But was still so far away

You crashed into her

Taking her feet out from under her

She flew off

Time suspended as I watched her fly through the wall

I will never forget that sound

I cried so much it saved both of you from getting in trouble

Your welcome

Silence

I’m sorry
I should have given you the choice

Looking back

Its so easy to say

I should have done this

But back then
I knew

It was right

And that you couldn’t  

And shouldn’t have to

Handle my mess

I thought

It was better

To hurt you then

And save you

From a hopeless situation

And an unbearable pain later on

You thought I was heartless

But I was heartbroken

Sick with regret

Guilt stricken

Wanting to explain everything

Answer all your questions

Not doing so almost destroyed me

My silence almost destroyed you

We are alive though your patience

It keeps me going

Knowing that you are still waiting

story continued 3/31/11

Holding their breath, they heard her stop about halfway up. Teasing now over, they made terrified eye contact wondering if they were going to get caught.  

“HURRY UP YOU TWO!” she called. Then the stairs squeaked as she went back down.

Relief palpable, they released their breath. Turning to the side-by-side mirrors, the twin looked themselves over and determined what they needed to do. Jamie began profusely attacking his head again with gel while AJ grabbed a washcloth, ran it under the facet, and scrubbed at the dirt. After getting off the initial layer, AJ rinsed out the washcloth then swiped at her arms and legs and the spots remaining on her face. Jamie had finished with his hair and was watching AJ’s efforts wondering how she had managed to get so muddy.  When AJ was satisfied that she got the majority off, she threw the washcloth into the sink and stormed off in the direction of her bedroom. Out of the corner of his eyes, Jamie saw her leave and, to reciprocate for her scaring him earlier, snagged the bathroom door with his toes to shut it right behind her. It slammed closed with a crack that rattled the old-fashion twin mirrors hanging above the sinks. He paused for a millisecond to check to see if anything had fallen or broken and was relieved when he realized that nothing had. Glancing back in the mirror, he rubbed his head one last time, washed his hands, yanked the door back open, and strode down the hallway towards the stairs.  

AJ paused in the doorway to her bedroom. Dread overwhelming her as she looked at her bed and saw a frilly pink lace-embellished dress lying across the end. Along with the dress, her momma had laid out tights and the shinny white shoes that AJ only wore to church because they pinched her toes. AJ strode up to the bed then stood there glaring at the girly clothing which in AJ’s mind epitomized everything she hated.

story continued 3/24/11

Sighing Nora pulled herself from memories of the past and swept up the last of the dirt.

AJ drug herself up the stairs. Each stair groaned and squealed signaling her slow ascent. She took her time in the stairwell prolonging the moment until she would reach the top step and the inevitable dress her mamma would have laid on her bed. Lining the walls were photos that covered every available space and vied for attention.  The first two were of her grandparents on their wedding days.  

With the exception of her mother’s mother, the black and white photos depicted somber individuals with stern-unsmiling faces. In contrast, the woman flashed a brilliant smiled from beneath her veil. Happiness exuded from her and warmth and love radiated from the photo. AJ stared at the photo for a few moments longer. Dying long before Jamie and she were born, AJ sometimes wished she had known the seemingly carefree woman.

 “ANNA JANYNE STOP WASTING TIME!” her mamma hollered at her from the kitchen. AJ scurried up the remaining steps hoping her mamma wouldn’t hear.

Clearing the last step, AJ took a moment to catch her breath and realized she heard Jamie muttering to himself. Curious, she walked past both her mamma’s room and her room where she was sure the dreadful dress awaited her and flung open the door to the bathroom that she shared with Jamie.

At the sudden interruption, Jamie jumped startled and spun towards the now open doorframe. His little chest rose and fell noticeably under his light blue-buttoned shirt as he tried to regain his breath. Adding to his disheveled appearance was his hair was mussed and spiked in every-which-way giving him the appearance of a hedgehog.  The evidence of his hard work shown throughout the bathroom for there were water droplets everywhere and hair gel dripped from his hands onto the white tile floor.

Shockingly similar blue eyes clashed when Jamie glared at his twin, “I thought you were Momma! Don’t scare me like that!” After a momentary staring-eye contest which neither refused to back down from sheer stubbornness, they called a truce.  Similar in looks, thoughts, and personality it was hard to tell where one ended and the other started.

Laughing and shaking her head over his hair, AJ remarked, “Momma is gonna kill you.”

“I made a deal to wear the clothes if I could do my hair,” Jamie replied smugly reaching for more hair gel.

In shock AJ almost yelled, “AND SHE SAID YES?!”

“Yep.”

“She is gonna be so mad!”

Suddenly they heard the bottom two steps creak and they froze with Jamie’s dripping fingers fuzzing his head and AJ, who had not even made an attempt to scrub off the dirt yet, against the bathroom counter.

story 3/17/11

On a tight schedule, Nora Teller knew she didn’t have all day for AJ to spit it out.  To speed AJ’s confession along she stated, “I don’t have time for this Anna Jayne!”  and began to tap her toe impatiently.

Distracted by the noise, AJ looked down and realized that her mamma wasn’t wearing her well-worn gray sneakers with the blue and red intertwining design along the sides.  When AJ looked farther up and she saw that her mother had also changed from the jeans and sweatshirt she was wearing earlier into a sweater and nice pants. Guilt forgotten AJ squinted up at her mamma and asked curiously, “Why are you all dressed up?”

Nora sighed exasperatedly knowing her daughter’s mind had changed directions and now she wasn’t going to get a straight answer. “People finally moved into the old Mattfeld place and we are going over to meet them.”

“Do I have too?” AJ pleaded. She knew there was no chance of getting out of it, but had to try anyway.

Without even a moment of hesitation, Nora Teller responded in a low commanding tone, “Yes. Now go wash off that dirt and put on the clothes I laid on your bed.”

Dragging her feet, AJ left the kitchen with bits of dirt falling in her wake. With another sigh, her mamma grabbed the broom and began to sweep up the crumbles as she heard her daughter’s heavy footsteps on the stairs. Shaking her head over the mess, Nora wished she didn’t have to be so stern with AJ. Then she chuckled to herself for who was she kidding, Jamie was as bad or even worse than AJ. Looking over at the kitchen bureau at the picture she kept of her deceased husband James, she found herself wondering not for the first time how times might be different if he had not been killed. He looked so proud and young in his formal army uniform. He eyes never belaying the horrors of what he would see and nor the sadness that was caused by his untimely death.

Only Time for Poetry This Week

Greeting Card

Uncontainable

Unimaginable

Unforgettable

Wish you were here…

 Happy

I am Happy

I am the child dancing around the May Pole

Twirling and spinning

Ribbon in hand going around and around

The air is full of daisies and dandelion fluff

The wind catches my hair

Spilling it into my eyes

The sun warms me

Laying in the grass

An old friend from childhood days

Daydreams and memories

Eyes closed I am aware

I am a part of something bigger

Flying

Please God make a bird so I can fly far far away

Give me wings so I can soar

Let me fly south for the winter

Or maybe forever

Give me the ability to leave

To overcome the sadness that consumes me at just the thought

I am not running

This is for me

 High School

By fate and by alphabet

They had class together

As always she sat

In the seat

Right in front of him

Since kindergarten he plagued her

Always unfailing polite

But she felt his eyes

Everyday

Year after year

Always alphabetically seated behind her

Time after time

He tried to work up his courage

To talk about more than the assignment or mundane things

Ignoring him

She flipped and twirled

Her long shinny hair

Passing notes and making eyes

With the boys on the football team

Senor year

Same homeroom

He never had the courage

She never noticed

First Choice

Always running and forever scared

I don’t want to leave

This place of hope

Of security

I thought I finally found home

Family

Leaving would uproot

Every tranquil thought and memory

I have created in this wondrous place

I will not squander this moment

I stand on the precipice

Of my first real choice

Failing

They say failing is not an option

But to fail would mean I tried to do something real

Something important and meaningful

But not succeeded

Failure means

Something I can and will attempt again

story continued 2/24/11

The door banged against the wall sounding like a shot, resounding off the walls, announcing AJ’s presence. AJ cringed knowing there was now no hope of escaping her mamma. Moments later she heard angry footsteps coming down the old wooden steps and a voice shouting AJ’s name. AJ’s face turned bright red and quickly she turned to shut the kitchen door. The footsteps loomed closer.

Spinning around she saw her mamma standing angrily in the doorframe. The harsh light from the kitchen contrasted with the low lighting from the hallway casting AJ’s mamma into a series of shadows and spotlights. The anger seemed to radiate off her.

 She was a petite women with skin still tanned from the summer’s sun. Mother and daughter bore a great resemblance from their dark hair and stature, wild spirit, often unpredictable temper. Now as the as the two versions faced off, one in anger, the other in guilt, in was almost comical to see how AJ resembled her mamma in miniature.

Striving to keep her voice even and not to yell, Nora Teller took a few deep breaths, but could not keep the tension from her voice when she asked through gritted teeth, “Anna Jayne Teller where have you been?!”

AJ refused to meet her mamma’s fierce dark eyes. Instead she noticed some dirt that was still stuck to her skin and clothing and began brushing it off. It crumbled under her fingertips and fell to the floor.

“Anna Jayne!”

At the sharpness it in her mamma’s voice, AJ looked up.  She met her mamma’s furious eyes then looked down at the mess she didn’t realize she had created. AJ took a deep breath and opened her mouth to explain about knowing she should have come when called and about the boy, but when she went to speak nothing came out.

Two hands struck out and grabbed her. Screaming, AJ was pulled into the bush. The burs and sharp braches snagged her clothing and further scratched her hands and face. When the hands finally let go, AJ found herself staring in shock at a boy around her age with hair so blonde it was almost white.  After staring for a moment, AJ’s temper got the best of her and she exploded, “WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!?”

The boy looked slightly taken aback at AJ’s raised voice but did not seem intimated in the slightest when he screamed back, “I DON’T HAVE A PROBLEM! WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM?”

AJ glared at the nameless stranger and fumed, “YOU THINK I HAVE A PROBLEM?! IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT!  YOU GRABBED ME, PULLED ME INTO A BUSH, AND NOW I’M ALL CUT UP!”

AJ was too angry to see the mischievous glint in the boy’s eyes. She stood there glaring at him when she heard her mamma calling her name. Unlike her earlier calls, she sounded genuinely angry. AJ quickly decided it was time to go. Giving the boy a final glare, she carefully climbed her way through the bushes. Once free she took off in a dead sprint towards the back kitchen door.

She made it to the wide wooden steps in record time. Only slightly out of breath, she slowly climbed delaying the moments until her punishment by running her hands over the familiar notches in the railing. When she reached the top step her breathing was back to normal, but she was sick to her stomach with guilt. AJ gathered her courage and quickly stepped up from the top step and made it to the door, but couldn’t make herself turn the knob. She stood there, hand out, eyes closed, fearing the wrath of her mamma.

Don’t be stupid Anna Jayne. You are no coward, she told herself and with her eyes still tightly closed turned the knob and rushed inside.

story (prologue and first part?)

Prologue

The rain poured, drenching her, as she ran her hand along the casket’s grain.  With the exception of the complimentary attendance of the (army), Anna Jane Teller was the last one at the gravesite. The harsh rain had already driven the other mourners to the reception, but Anna was so lost in her grief that she hardly noticed. Feeling that half her soul, her very being, had died and now she was alone, she stared at the casket. Anna tried to imagine what could have been if their lives had been different or maybe if they had just made different decisions, but knew they would have made the same mistakes all over again. The tears that had been building ever since she heard the life-altering news suddenly burst from her with raking sobs. Her whole body started to shake when the realization that he was never coming back finally sank in.

 Glancing up as if she just noticed the rain, Anna looked around and noticed everyone had left. Knowing it was time, she gathered what was left of her courage to say her final goodbye.

Stilling her hand, Anna opened her mouth. Instead of words of love and goodbye, came forth a giant unbridled cry. Her hand flew to her mouth trying to contain the noise while simultaneously trying to get herself under control.

Her courage gone, Anna fled from the gravesite and threw herself at the base of a large willow tree. How appropriate Anna thought sarcastically glancing up at the tree that sheltered her from the rain. Her all black knee-length skirt and camisole ruined and covered in mud, Anna drew her knees into her chest, wrapped her arms around her legs, and buried her head, sobbing, until the tears wouldn’t come and she was left trembling.

STORY

            Cover in mud, stick scratched, and with leaves clinging to her hair, AJ heard her mother’s exasperated voice yelling for her. She glanced back in the direction of the kitchen door to see her twin Jamie caught in their mother’s unbreakable grasp. He made brief eye contact with AJ before sighing as his mamma scolded him then resigned to his punishment . Watching them disappear through the kitchen door, AJ decided she could wait a few more minutes before that consigning herself to that particular fate.

            Turning as a blur of movement caught her eye, AJ followed it to the southwest corner of the property. AJ usually avoided the southwest corner unless Jamie was with her because (although she would never admit it) it scared her. The huge pine and oak trees were so overgrown that you didn't know where one started and the other ended. The bushes were home to thousands of bees in the summer that buzzed so loud that AJ swore you could hear them from the porch. Now in autumn, the bees were gone, but the dark colors of both the bushes and trees made for an ominous feeling. Dry leaves crackled under AJ's sneakers as she inched her way towards the bushes. At her approach, the bush closest to her rustled. Startled AJ jumped back then looked around feeling silly. Taking a deep breath, she gathered her courage, "Anna Jayne there is nothing to be afraid of. It's probably just a squirrel or something."   Now determined to prove her fearlessness to herself, AJ strut up to the bush. Moving aside branches AJ peered in to the bush.

metal wiring

So when we were given this blogging assignment, I had no idea what I was going to do. I had a million ideas but nothing concrete that I thought I could actually write about.  I came up with the art project idea as a way to reconnect with my friend who is an aspiring art educator.

            I should have known trying to learn from my friend wasn’t really going to work out. Often instead of working on the project we kept distracting each other. Other times though, we got on each other’s nerves and the project got neglected due to our irritation with one another. Also, while I loved doing these projects they have become just too time consuming.

            With all that said, however, I did completed a metal wiring project this week. The metal wiring was tough to work with because it did not bend easily, it had a black coating on it that got all over my hands, it wouldn’t shape with the pliers, and was overall just difficult. After a few blunders with my initial project ideas my friend helped me decide that a sun would be one of the easiest things to make. This was much easier said than done, but the end product clearly was a sun and I was happy. Unfortunately, while I knew time management was always going to be an issue I had never realized how badly I had underestimated the problem.

            As I stated in my original blog I do love art.  Unfortunately, because of my time constraints I have realized that while I wanted art to be my passion, it is not. I wanted to use this assignment (and art in general) to try to re-establish my friendship with my artsy friend. Good news is that my friendship is fine, bad news is that traditional art just isn’t my thing.

            When the pressure was off, I realized what I was passionate about. I have a great passion for creative writing.  I found it a great outlet since I was young. I learned to channel my emotions (frustrations, sadness, happiness, etc.) into writing which was something I could never clearly express accurately when speaking.

            I usually write short stories or poems (although I have written a play).  The things I write tend to be more serious (my friends say they start sad then get better) and the characters and plots are vastly different from my life.

photos finally!

photography

This week I decided to tackle photography.  I have a point-and-shoot Sony Cybershot camera. It has traveled with me to many places including Hershey Park, my baby cousin’s baptism, Spain, and has taken thousands of pictures of friends, family members, scenery, and random things I think just look cool.  So for my “project” this week, I took a variety of pictures in different settings in my dorm room. I played around with light, distance, texture, flash, and props.

            For some of the pictures, I took the photo from inside a glass jar.  The light reflected off the object (loose change) and made it the focus of the photo. For another, my friend helped me to set a scene with the jars. I took a bunch of my roommate’s dried roses that she received when she had her appendix out earlier this school year. Next, I snapped a few close-range of a splatter painting in my room. Finally, the last shots were of my Christmas lights which are still proudly hanging in my room.

On Wednesday morning, I saw that the trees and bushes were covered with ice from the storm from the preceding night.  However, I was on my way to class and did not have time to run back for my camera. When I got out of class, much to my dismay, everything was melting. So now I have no pictures of the frozen trees and the after-math rained on me!  Fortunately, it didn’t keep me down for too long though because I figure we are probably going to have another snow/ice storm this year.

             Unfortunately, the reason you cannot see the pictures is because I just I came to the realization I do not have access to a memory card reader and have a uniquely small memory card. I found this out by trying to use a few of my friends’ computers and having the memory card almost getting lost in the abyss.  This good news is I am going home this weekend (Superbowl and my 19th birthday woohooo!) so I will be able to upload the pictures from my desktop. So if you want to see any of the pictures just check back on Monday.

Introduction

May I start by stating for the record that I do not nor have ever had any artistic abilities. While I have always had a great appreciation for art and those who create it, I was definitely not known as the “art kid” in high school.  So needless to say I am somewhat wary about the endeavor in which I am about to partake.

            Under the direction of an aspiring art educator, I am going to take on the various common mediums of art.  After choosing an object, I will use the suggested materials such as oil, acrylic, chalk pastel, pen and ink, colored pencil, ripped paper, and etc. to recreate my object over the subsequent weeks. 

            From my prior claims of lack of artistic talent, one might wonder why I decided to attempt this undertaking. I have always had friends with amazing creative talent and they have always encouraged me to continually self-express with art. They have always urged me to not to dismiss myself as an artist until I’ve tried every possible medium.   My friend who is advising me with this entire process says, “Everyone can be an artist, some just try harder than others”.  I intend to work hard because I know if I don’t there is no other way this will be successful. 

            I have my doubts about partaking in this feat. The utmost of those doubts is the fear that this is more of a challenge than I am capable of (again lack of artistic talent). It is followed secondly by the concern of time. I am notoriously known for my poor time management skills, so I worry I could run into some time-crunch problems.

            Regardless of my fears, I am optimistic and excited for this project. I hope to gain basic artistic skills and confidence in my ability in them by the end of this venture. Oh, and my roomie and I are excited for all the “creative masterpieces”  to hang on our dorm walls too.  

            Wish me luck!